Know Your Disasters
Portugal is pleased to receive 1.4 million tournament visitors and asks only that they arrive informed. Every visiting fan is required to be aware of the national incident register before travel. Familiarity is checked at the border by a short oral quiz. The quiz is in Portuguese.
| Year | Incident | Status |
|---|---|---|
| 2011 | The Great Cork Shortage. National strategic reserve unsealed; 40 million bottles stood open for nine days. | RESOLVED. BOTTLES RESEALED. |
| 2014 | The Sardine Surge, Porto. The June catch exceeded the city's capacity to grill it. Smoke visible from Spain, which complained. | RECURRING (JUNE) |
| 2017 | The Azulejo Avalanche, Lisbon. 60,000 decorative tiles came off in one night and were reattached in the wrong order. The city remains navigable but incorrect. | ONGOING |
| 2019 | The Bridge Counting Error. Porto was found to have one bridge fewer than declared. An inquiry into where it went continues. | UNRESOLVED |
| 2023 | The Fog Repossession. Galicia reclaimed the morning fog under treaty. Mornings now arrive unannounced. | SEASONAL |
| 2028 | The Trial Tsunami (administrative). Conducted entirely on paper as a readiness exercise. Paperwork performed well. | FULL EXERCISE SCHEDULED: 2030 |
Entry 2028 is addressed in Section 4, where visitors may run the full exercise themselves. Once.
1.2 — Border Familiarity Quiz (practice)
The border quiz is administered in Portuguese. So is the practice quiz. This is part of the experience. Translations are available at any parish office.
Your Bed, Your Bedmate, Your Bucket
Hotel inventory is reserved for officials, sponsors, and the donkeys of Section 3. All visitors are therefore assigned to an existing bed in a private household under the Resident Bed Integration Scheme. The bed remains in use by its owner. That is the integration.
You will be paired with a Designated Resident Bedmate by an algorithm weighing shoulder width, thermal output, and declared snoring class. The algorithm does not accept preferences. It has never been wrong, in the sense that its outputs have never been reviewed.
| Code | Arrangement | Note |
|---|---|---|
| A | Double bed, head‑to‑toe with one adult resident | Orientation reverses nightly to equalise wall access. |
| B | Single bed, alternating four‑hour shifts | The bed will be warm. This is normal and should not be reported. |
| D | Convertible kitchen bench, shared with resident grandmother | The grandmother has the window side. The grandmother has always had the window side. |
Sanitation orientation
Most host dwellings have plumbing in the historical sense. Within 48 hours of arrival, your bedmate delivers the national waste‑removal orientation: vessel etiquette, night scheduling, and the municipal cart, which passes once daily and does not stop. Graduates receive certificate SAN‑3, checked at stadium turnstiles.
2.2 — Practical Module SAN‑A (demonstration)
A practical demonstration of Module SAN‑A is provided below, delivered in Portuguese, as it will be in the home. Completion is required before Section 3.*
QUALIFICAÇÃO: REMOÇÃO PESSOAL DE RESÍDUOS
EMITIDO POR: O SEU COMPANHEIRO DE CAMA DESIGNADO
VÁLIDO: PERÍODO DO TORNEIO
* Section 3 does not check.
The Equine Transit Network
All stadium travel is by accredited donkey. Private vehicles are prohibited within 40 km of venues on match days, and rail is suspended so it does not compete unfairly with the donkeys. Your donkey is linked to your bed assignment; in many households it is also the household's donkey, and visitors should not discuss route grievances in its stable.
Donkeys hold statutory right of way in perpetuity, a provision that predates the tournament, the republic, and most roads. Departures occur when the donkey is ready. "Ready" is determined by the donkey.
| Route | Time | Fare | Status |
|---|---|---|---|
| Évora HC‑4 → Lisbon Stadium Precinct | 9 h 40 m | €3.10 / 2.3 kg carrots | ON TIME |
| Viseu HC‑7 → Estádio do Dragão | 8 h 05 m | €2.40 / 1.8 kg carrots | +45 MIN — GRAZING |
| Beja HC‑9 → Lisbon Stadium Precinct | 11 h 20 m | €3.30 / 2.4 kg carrots | DONKEY DECLINED |
Night services do not operate; the donkeys are asleep. Suspended services resume when the donkey reconsiders. The Institute does not forecast this.
3.2 — Departure Readiness Check (live)
Visitors may consult their assigned donkey below. Readiness is determined by the donkey. The consultation is conducted in Portuguese, as the donkey prefers.
Tournament Planning Map
Housing clusters, stadium routes, donkey paths, and current advisories. Hover any marker for details. The map is interactive; the geography is not.
4.1 — Coastal Contingency Projection
Per Incident Register entry 2028, the full tsunami readiness exercise is now available to visitors. Object 2030‑QF7 carries an elevated probability of Atlantic entry during the tournament window. To conserve modelling resources, one execution is permitted per visitor.